I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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