You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
