Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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