I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
