Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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