When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
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So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
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Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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