kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
