My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
