I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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