'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
