I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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