the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
