he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
