does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
