Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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