Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
