Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
