can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
