I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
