you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
