He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
