Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
