btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Boobs are out for the taking
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
