Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
