you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
