So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
