I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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