Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
