Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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