i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
