i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm bleeding and have questions
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
