Betty ford says i'm here all night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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