I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
