I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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