The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
