I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She told me I should be a condom model.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
