Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize