she woke up with a sticky ear
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
True strength comes from lack of pants
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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