if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
