Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
