Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
