i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
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I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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