the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
