I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
