Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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