Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize