Whod you bang
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
