she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We are all done wearing pants today
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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