Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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