Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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