I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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