I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
