So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
