The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
