Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
