will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
