i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
