Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I fill condoms, not promises.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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