did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
