apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
