So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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