My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
