the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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