Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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