my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
