i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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